Relationship Posters for the Wall
In many ways, I am a slow learner. I almost have to feel something in my hands in order to take it in and make it part of my knowledge. One way I do this is with charts and drawings. Another is with my OneLiners.
And lastly I have used many many white sheets of paper with sayings – reminders. I posted these on the walls at my home and at my office, to keep reminding me over and over until my “thick brain get’s it.” (Put em Up!)
Lately, in my office, I have started handing out these signs to clients, signs that seem helpful to the problems they are facing.
Below is a list of the text lines along with a link to the paper in a PDF form. I will add to this list from time to time. (You can, too. Make your own. Change my words to fit your needs. The posters are really simple. Most are Word documents, created in landscape mode and using 36 font or 72 font.)
Good learning.
- A real man does not allow anyone to be disrespected in his presence. Might as well learn how.
- All people are disobedient, all the time. Learn to live with it.
- All people are doing their best at any given moment – even me.
- All people disagree with you all of the time. They can either tell you this or keep it a secret.
- All people make sense all the time.
- Always be ready to give your partner more space than they need, at a moment’s notice. Learn to live with it.
- Am I pausing before I say Yes??? They don’t want me to.
- As long as I am laying low, you are losing.
- Avoiding conflict produces bullies! And they appreciate your help!
- Blame or Guilt or Responsibility. It’s all 50-50.
- Don’t say, “Feel like” or “Feel that.”
- Don’t say, “I don’t know.”
- Every time I think I fail, it’s just standards that are wrong. I’m trying to remember this.
- How much order do you need in your life to permit you to breathe freely while you look at chaos?
- I am calling a timeout because I want us to be happy together.
- I am good enough! I am trying to remember this.
- I am never responsible for another person’s feelings. But I am responsible to help them with their feelings.
- I am never to blame for their feelings. I am never responsible for their upset. However, I can help!
- I am no longer the general manager of the universe. But they want me to be.
- I am not available for an argument.
- I am perfect just the way I am. I may forget. I may change to a more perfect form any day. In the meantime, butt out.
- I am practicing being quiet. I am tired of being a motor-mouth. I am making room for you to talk. This is hard for me!
- I am responsible for the safety of my lizard. They can help, if they want me around.
- I am trying to turn myself into someone you would like to get together with. Thanks for giving me the opportunity.
- I am working as hard as I can to tell you the truth.
- I do not want change, because I do not want to grow up. Aaaaargh!
- I don’t answer “Why” questions at this time. Learn to live with it.
- I don’t know how to say this right. Let me say it wrong first, and then let’s clean it up together.
- I don’t need to be in the middle anymore.
- I don’t want that anymore. But I forget, often.
- I guarantee that you, can move as slow as you want, your pace, in my presence forever. I am really working on this.
- I have the right and duty to be me. That means I must leave mom/dad behind. He/she doesn’t want this and perhaps never will.
- I no longer need his/her permission in order to have my feelings.
- I want to help. What can I do specifically, right now, that would make this situation easier for you. (Partner seems upset)
- If he/she won’t mirror, he/she has earned a TIMEOUT. Give it.
- If they are disappointed in me, perhaps someday they may want to learn who I really am. I could tell them, especially if I knew!
- In spite of my thoughts, the sun always rises. They don’t want me to be aware of this.
- In a relationship, what you do or intend sn’t important. What counts is how you come across.
- Is this a time for suggestions, or is this a time for me to listen?
- It’s my job to take care of me – beginning today.
- It’s my nail and high time I got off it.
- Mirroring: the Poster
- My goal is to become a source of safety to your lizard. What can I do right now that might help you feel safer?
- My ideas plus a dollar get me a cup of coffee.
- No heavy stuff after 9:00 PM. We’ll pick this up in the AM.
- No one can make anyone feel anything, but they can try.
- No one can make anyone do anything, but they can try.
- No one is ever wrong when measured by someone who loves them – like themselves.
- Of course you feel lonely! I shut down easily, when I feel overwhelmed, and I am sure you feel abandoned. Let’s work on this.
- Only my part of this is on my shoulders. I am working to remember this.
- Probably whenever I lie, I am at that moment walking on eggshells. Let us work to get threat out of our relationship.
- Remember, you are not obliged.
- Replace the Dumb Stuff you do with Wise Stuff… and
- Take two TimeOuts and call me in the morning.
- Telling them what I think they want to hear, hurts them. I’ve learned to do that. But I can do better.
- The flip side of Guilt is learning to be wiser.
- The Thought Police don’t live here anymore.
- There are no accidents.
- There is no right or wrong. All people are always doing their best. Period.
- To Lie: To knowingly leave someone in a state of misunderstanding about something you believe is important to them.
- To relax, give and receive Predictive Information and a Sense of Control.
- What can I do for you that would make you inclined to do what I want?
- Which would you rather? I can tell you my truth, or keep it a secret. That’s my choice. Telling you what you want to hear, seems like lying to you.
- You are uninformed when you think your partner is “odd” or makes no sense.
- You can either be right or in relationship. Take your pick.
- You can either be in Fear or Self-Responsibility.
- You may think I’m crazy, but over here I am making sense. If you would like to hear about it, I am available.
- You will never get love by chasing a lizard.
- Your stuff is never my fault.
- Whenever your partner says “you” “we” “fact” “know” “right” “wrong” “should” etc., mirror and convert these to their dialogical form.
- When in doubt, Mirror. If they won’t let you Mirror or won’t Mirror you, call a TimeOut.
- Be comfortable with the idea that you did it wrong – yesterday! Don’t avoid it. Embrace it!
- The way you see it is never the way it is. Your truth is never The Truth.
Pingback:Which Essays are Popular? (Updated April 1, 2019) – Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom
Have these been updated or changed in the last few years? I remember printing many of these out when I was in session with you in 2009-2010. Now either my memory is failing me or many of these have changed their wording by either adding words or changing words. Am I hallucinating?
ha never mind, they are different I see the other page of one-liners now those are the ones I’m familiar with here: https://www.alturtle.com/archives/1348
I like these ones a little better than the ones I’m familiar with, these seem to be a little nicer. Like ” am never to blame for their feelings. I am never responsible for their upset. However, I can help!” the other one-liner leaves out the “I can help” probably for the reason this is for relationships lol
Al,
That helps a lot. Thanks. And “All people are doing their best at any given moment – Even me” is a “top row” poster for me. Right next to “Be comfortable with the idea that you did it wrong – yesterday! Don't avoid it. Embrace it!”, which I have also found to be very helpful to remember.