Safety and The Lizard: The Essay
The first most important skill in any relationship is about how to create a tone of safety – how to reliably lower each other's blood pressure. This paper is the background.
Category Archives: Relationships
Three-Drawer Tool Box
I believe that everyone needs a three-drawer tool box. Each drawer represents different tools or skills needed in life.
Continue reading →Goals of Talking
The Goal Of Communication in Relationships is that both persons feel understood frequently, and always when the subject is important to one or the other.
(I wrote this some years ago. See how all the ideas on my website are worked into it.)
“He's leaving. I'm trying.”
This is the story of a woman who believes her partner is leaving, and doesn't want him to. She kinda followed him across the country, but managed to keep learning the lesson, “Work on your self, visibly.” She's good, but learning is not easy! (Names have been changed)
Continue reading →Peaceful Vacation Scheme
Here we are, about to head off on another vacation, and I promised that I would write down how we manage keeping it so much fun.
Continue reading →Passivity: In the foundations
If you have been following my work through Part One: Master/Slave and Part Two: Power of Passivity, then this may be your next stop. I decided to share my path down a bit deeper into the basement. Be warned! The steps down here may be tippy.
Continue reading →Mine or Yours or ?
I have been asked recently by people who are reading my papers on boundaries how to decide if something is mine or my partner's or what?? I was writing a response, and decided I'd better post it for everyone.
Continue reading →The Map of Relationships: A Chart
This is a chart of my understandings of how intimate relationships work in printable B&W and Color versions. I hand this chart to anyone who is serious about getting in or out of good relationships. I use this chart on my whiteboard when I am teaching The Map of Relationships.
Continue reading →“MasterTalk”: Recognizing it gets even simpler
Recognizing MasterTalk, avoiding it, reframing it gets simpler.
Continue reading →Feelings and Emotions: The Essay, Part Four, Appropriate Expression
This is the last part of my essay on Feelings and Emotions. I am going to be speaking about “expression.” Now, lack of emotional expression, I believe, causes huge confusion in relationships and and will shorten your life. But, incorrect expression causes lots and lots of trouble, too. My goal is to focus on what I call “Appropriate Expression.” Many groups and cultures have strong rules about the “correct” way to express or hold in emotions. What I am going to write may seem to go against many of those rules – may seem critical of them. I do not choose to set myself up in that judgmental position. I simply want to share what I have learned.