I got this question, recently. Apparently in my Map of Relationships I have not described it enough. I guess I just referred to it as a "place" that people, all people want to go to. Well, ok, I'll share some thoughts on it.
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The first most important skill in any relationship is about how to create a tone of safety – how to reliably lower each other's blood pressure. This paper is the background.
Here we are, about to head off on another vacation, and I promised that I would write down how we manage keeping it so much fun.
Continue reading →This is the last part of my essay on Feelings and Emotions. I am going to be speaking about “expression.” Now, lack of emotional expression, I believe, causes huge confusion in relationships and and will shorten your life. But, incorrect expression causes lots and lots of trouble, too. My goal is to focus on what I call “Appropriate Expression.” Many groups and cultures have strong rules about the “correct” way to express or hold in emotions. What I am going to write may seem to go against many of those rules – may seem critical of them. I do not choose to set myself up in that judgmental position. I simply want to share what I have learned.
Notes on my seminar about Validation. I share what I have learned, how, and what I have come to believe validation is.
Continue reading →These are my notes for teaching Mirroring and for a class on “How to Teach Mirroring.”
Continue reading →Notes for a telephone class on my way of doing a first Couple's Session.
Continue reading →This is an excerpt from my paper on Dialogue in a Hierarchy. It focuses on decision making. It now includes a chart.
Continue reading →“My assignment, years ago as I got older, was to find a younger person and bless them, once every day.” I can share this secret with you. Now, take your time reading this. It is a gift that I can pass on.
Continue reading →This is a paper about the problem of "victimicity." It is Part 2 of my work on Master/Slave and Autonomy. You may want to read it with some caution, particularly because, based on feedback, this seems to be almost "graduate level" relationship material. It seems you really must be prepared to read it. Please be patient with me, and with yourselves. More material was added 7/5/07. I am sure there will still be minor changes and additions – and one last bit.