Map of Relationships (Full Version Script) Part VI
This is the script of a DVD of the full form of the Map of Relationships. Part VI, Questions and Answers.
Continue reading →Category Archives: Diversity
Map of Relationships (Full Version Script) Part IV
This is the script of a DVD of the full form of the Map of Relationships. Part IV, Relationship Framework.
Continue reading →The Gentle Art of Pulling
"Pulling" is a critical component of making good communication work smoothly. It stops the habit of interruption. It promotes full sharing of points and it enables people getting to ?the bottom of things? ? quality understanding. It is the necessary fourth step of the Mirroring teaching tool, but it is a skill all its own. Here's my brief definition of a pull. A brief verbal or non-verbal invitation by receiver to the sender to keep talking on the subject at hand only. This gesture ends the ?insult of interruption.?
Continue reading →Group Standards for Discussion
This is a letter I wrote to the Peace Project concerning my group's self-defined standards of Communologue.
Continue reading →You Make Sense – Always!
Probably no question has been put to me so often these days as to what I mean by the phrase “Make Sense.” The Diversity Principle: “All people make sense all the time,” is for me one of the most useful tools I've come up with. It allows me to connect with people who are doing things that I don?t at first understand or like. It allows me to continue to more and more fully understand myself. It is a keystone tool in helping people build self-esteem. And it is a tool that stands up clearly, setting me against what I call “the pathology of our culture.”
Continue reading →Histories: She/He has left. Now what?
This is so common. Oh, I feel sorry for everyone involved. I think I have seen this situation 6 times this month. A person calls in, ?their whole life has changed?, ?their dreams are shattered?, and ?they don?t know what to do.? Their partner of 5 years, 14 years, 33 years, has announced they are leaving, or they have packed up and gone, or they have found someone new and now want to cut the ties with their ?older? partner. The person calling feels surprised, betrayed and hurt. What to do?
Continue reading →To Imago Therapists
An open letter (probably with lots of typos) that I wrote to any and all Imago Therapists during my vacation in the mountains in early September 2005. In it I pose an important question. Is what I am doing "Imago?"
Continue reading →Validation: The Skill and the Art
When we listen, do we understand? When we speak, do we get to feel understood? The skills of understanding, making a person feel understood, and speaking so that someone can understand you, are very important. In this article I hope to be able to explain about this and start you on your way. Seek to become an expert. I think this is really worth the investment.
Continue reading →The Logic of Power Differentials: Heirarchy and Dialogue
I am presenting this paper as a discussion of dialogue norms to use in Power Differential Relationships. My goal is to re-approach One-up/One-down situations from the relational model, the dialogical model that is central to Imago Relationship theory and practice.
The paper is divided into three sections:
1. Types of Power Differential Situations
2. Decision Making as the legitimate reason for Power Differential Situations
3. The Four Challenges facing groups trying to make decisions.
Boundaries for Couples: The Essay
Even as I began to understand about boundaries for individuals, I was still stunned by what wildness happens in a committed couple. People keep telling me that they can get along with anyone except their partner at home. I frequently watch professionally competent couples act like little, tantrum-throwing, children in my office. What are the boundary issues that make the experiences of couples, or an intimate relationships, so powerful? This paper covers what I have learned going on.