Triage: Seeing trouble in Relationships Around You
I am beginning to use the word Triage to apply to the question, "How much should I get involved? How much energy is it wise to expend on this person? / this couple?"
Category Archives: Skills
Getting to Work
Work, Work! In this article I want to share my view of the process of how to get a great relationship from the very widest perspective. I suggest that you read my paper on the Map of Relationship first, to prepare to grasp this view.
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What to do when He/She Leaves?
People frequently come to me with this problem. Some years ago I came up with an answer and have not felt the need to change it. It works. Follow the four steps.
Points of View
Relationship confusion. Though I have written many times about this topic, I still find it the hardest for people to grasp. And in all my experience of relating, in starting a relationship, recovering one, maintain a high reliable quality of connection, this is the most important. Here is another attempt to make the relational situation clearer. [I’ve also been reminded that this is Advanced Relationship material – not for beginners.]
A Problem with Mirroring. Solve it.
As I was learning to Mirror (a skill taught by all Imago therapists), I ran into a specific problem that often blocked communication just while people were trying to improve it. Solving this problem, I think, is critical to maintaining good relationships
Continue reading →Class on Mirroring
Here's the class that I use to teach mirroring. I teach every couple or individual using this class. It has all the critical points. Enjoy.
Continue reading →Books I Read
I have received requests to list books that have been, and are, important to me in developing my thinking. Here I will organize that list, and link them to Amazon.com, so that you can get them. This list will grow as I think of them. I am just listing the ones that have been repeatably, and durably, “hot” for me. Enjoy!
Continue reading →Using Al Turtle Logic on Relationship Troubles
How to approach relationship challenges? Tis all about applying knowledge of the Biological Dream and learning those skills. Tis all about knowing where you currently are on the Map of Relationships. Here are some examples.
Continue reading →Learn Validation! Get really good at it. Tis just an idea.
FOR INSPIRATION, TRY THIS! This sort of thing doesn't come often to an old therapist, but it is welcome. Here's an ex-client who, I think, got it. “You can either be in Relationship or Right. You can either Validate or be Right. You can either be Empathic or be Right. Take your pick.” Thanks to you, friend.
Continue reading →The Other Feelings
For years I have been teaching and “thinking” about Feelings. I have been teaching what I call , the Four Prime Feelings for years: Fear, Anger, Sorrow, and Joy. But more and more I have become aware of a set of feelings that are very important and which are not usually called emotions. I think they are.
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