Last week, a new couple came to me after 21 years of marriage, 21 years of arguing, and four attempts to find help from Marriage TherapistS. As I started to work with them, I found once more that they have not heard about Master/Slave nor about Differentiation – critical skills for living together. And apparently the therapists that they had seen didn't know these skills either.
Continue reading →
I am now going to shift directions. The following essay arises out of years of studying Wilhelm Reich,MD and his followers, the general field of body therapy and the specifics of what is often called Energetics. To me, this is the study of energy – human energy. As I refer to energy, I am talking about that which makes us go and that which we lose when we die. It is very much a body-thing.
I believe that Frustrations are the critical element to making progress in a Relationship. Healing Frustrations is the key. I call it the ?ratchet? process because , like a ratchet wrench, it makes things move forward and you can?t back up. The following essay contains what I see as the background for dealing with frustrations. It clears up a lot of misunderstandings and can help you stop wasting time and energy in doing things that do not work.
When we listen, do we understand? When we speak, do we get to feel understood? The skills of understanding, making a person feel understood, and speaking so that someone can understand you, are very important. In this article I hope to be able to explain about this and start you on your way. Seek to become an expert. I think this is really worth the investment.
Continue reading →"Dear Turtle, My question is – how possible is it to change one's response to fear – say from FIGHT to FLEE?"
Continue reading →Several years ago, I was asked during a class, “How do you know that you have a great relationship?” I found myself mentioning four attributes – one was “excellent boundaries.” Someone then asked, “How would you recognize excellent boundaries? What are their indicators?” I thought about that for several weeks. I came up with a list. I have found this list quite provocative.
Continue reading →This is my paper on Boundaries for Individuals. This is everything I think a person needs to know about setting up and maintaining their differences when someone else is around. It contains all my thinking on personal boundaries. Enjoy.
This is the lesson I teach every person I see. This is critical information for people who are puzzled, bothered, or upset when they find they disagree or that others disagree with them.
These concepts are vital to the practice of Dialogue and Communologue.
Continue reading →A listing of possible relationship problems – linked to solutions.
Continue reading →Here are some more thoughts about PreValidation and Validation.
Continue reading →