Probably about 70% of couples I see have a significant problem with controlling. What is this? How does it work? What can you do about it? In this article I will try to answer those questions and share solutions with you.
Continue reading →I am presenting this paper as a discussion of dialogue norms to use in Power Differential Relationships. My goal is to re-approach One-up/One-down situations from the relational model, the dialogical model that is central to Imago Relationship theory and practice.
The paper is divided into three sections:
1. Types of Power Differential Situations
2. Decision Making as the legitimate reason for Power Differential Situations
3. The Four Challenges facing groups trying to make decisions.
Look, domestic violence is nothing more that the behavior of a bully or bullies who grew up learning that tantrums get you what you want. It is nothing more than the action of a person who is “in control,” doing what they were taught, over and over as they grew up. And it is a hard habit or learning to stop – just like any other habit that works sometimes. It will taper off or stop when that behavior clearly no longer works.
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Even as I began to understand about boundaries for individuals, I was still stunned by what wildness happens in a committed couple. People keep telling me that they can get along with anyone except their partner at home. I frequently watch professionally competent couples act like little, tantrum-throwing, children in my office. What are the boundary issues that make the experiences of couples, or an intimate relationships, so powerful? This paper covers what I have learned going on.
Everything we do is the result of our thinking, our feelings, our habits. Our actions are not "caused" by others. I think this is a very valuable concept and nicely replaces several myths that most people seem to hold.
Continue reading →This is my paper on Boundaries for Individuals. This is everything I think a person needs to know about setting up and maintaining their differences when someone else is around. It contains all my thinking on personal boundaries. Enjoy.
Summary: This paper covers the two ways that people can come together and share (or not) their different views of reality. Relating via Master/Slave is only functional in certain situations: where efficiency is needed as in business, where property ownership is involved, in emergencies. Relating via Friend/Friend is normal during courtship. Master/Slave, commonly used in intimate relationships or families, is dysfunctional. Learn the critical skills of Friend/Friend to end argument and prevent fighting. This is the first of three parts on Autonomy.
This is the lesson I teach every person I see. This is critical information for people who are puzzled, bothered, or upset when they find they disagree or that others disagree with them.
These concepts are vital to the practice of Dialogue and Communologue.
Continue reading →A listing of possible relationship problems – linked to solutions.
Continue reading →I tell this story , as a gift from my friend Jack, to anyone I meet who has a short temper or who is around someone with a short temper.
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