Guide’s Role in Communologue
Thoughts on the Role of a Communologue Facilitator.
Continue reading →Tag Archives: mirroring
Glossary of Terms
This is an often requested list of brief definitions of my words. From time to time I will add to this list. Insert these words in the Search function on the front page of my website to see the articles where I use these terms.
Continue reading →Earn it or Spend it: Interpersonal Capital
A simple look at ways of getting people to do what you want and like you. "What can you do to make them inclined to do what you want. What are you doing that makes them not inclined to do what you want."
Continue reading →Restructuring Frustration: The Process
This article is the result of 10 years of practice by my wife and I. It is a step by step structured process that will eventually both remove all critical frustrations from a relationship but will also build confidence and skills in dealing with new frustrations when they arise.
Continue reading →MasterTalk: A very simple idea
So what, after all is said and done is this thing called MasterTalk? I believe that because of some features of our language system we can speak things that do not exist. I see MasterTalk as a way of speaking from the omniscient point of view ? which exists in literature but not in real life.
Continue reading →The Gentle Art of Pulling
"Pulling" is a critical component of making good communication work smoothly. It stops the habit of interruption. It promotes full sharing of points and it enables people getting to ?the bottom of things? ? quality understanding. It is the necessary fourth step of the Mirroring teaching tool, but it is a skill all its own. Here's my brief definition of a pull. A brief verbal or non-verbal invitation by receiver to the sender to keep talking on the subject at hand only. This gesture ends the ?insult of interruption.?
Continue reading →Group Standards for Discussion
This is a letter I wrote to the Peace Project concerning my group's self-defined standards of Communologue.
Continue reading →You Make Sense – Always!
Probably no question has been put to me so often these days as to what I mean by the phrase “Make Sense.” The Diversity Principle: “All people make sense all the time,” is for me one of the most useful tools I've come up with. It allows me to connect with people who are doing things that I don?t at first understand or like. It allows me to continue to more and more fully understand myself. It is a keystone tool in helping people build self-esteem. And it is a tool that stands up clearly, setting me against what I call “the pathology of our culture.”
Continue reading →Some Days are Tough!
I built this table several years ago as a handout to help couples determine which tools to use when things were going awry. Years ago when I was working as (pretending to be) a carpenter, an old guy said, "Al, first things first. Always use the right tool. Saves time and effort." Well, depending on what is happening in a relationship, there are different tools. Here's the range.
Continue reading →Histories: She/He has left. Now what?
This is so common. Oh, I feel sorry for everyone involved. I think I have seen this situation 6 times this month. A person calls in, ?their whole life has changed?, ?their dreams are shattered?, and ?they don?t know what to do.? Their partner of 5 years, 14 years, 33 years, has announced they are leaving, or they have packed up and gone, or they have found someone new and now want to cut the ties with their ?older? partner. The person calling feels surprised, betrayed and hurt. What to do?
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