The Lizard is, of course, a metaphor, a model. It’s a way of looking at the part of all of us that manages safety and trust. My primary article on the Lizard was written after I detailed all it’s components … Continue reading →
This began as an answer to a question on the Marriage Advocates website. Twas written back in February of 2011. Quote: I have found that I’m very bad at identifying when other people’s lizard, particularly my partner’s, is triggered. I really … Continue reading →
The first most important skill in any relationship is about how to create a tone of safety – how to reliably lower each other's blood pressure. This paper is the background.
This is my response to a great set of questions posted on my article on the Problem with Expectations. But it covers so much territory, I decided to repond with an article. My thanks to the Poster.
Continue reading →This is a continuation of a discussion begun based on my paper on Safety and the Lizard Brain. An exercise in seeing the partnership of the reptilian brain, how it works, what it is trying to do. Click here for the original article on Safety.
Continue reading →This paper is an excerpt from my essay on SAFETY, The Lizard. It describes tactics for “making your partner feel safe.”
Continue reading →I was asked recently what are the steps to follow, practically, when you see your partner backing away from you even in everyday situations. I think the person was simultaneously looking for specific things to do and trying to head off trouble.
Continue reading →One important issue that all couples face is making things fair and keeping them that way. I believe things are fair when two people both believe they are fair. When either thinks it's not fair, then it isn't. Takes only one for unfairness, and it takes two for it to be fair.
Continue reading →This is actually a fairly old presentation. Sandra and I found it so valuable for ourselves that we have been giving to all couples for many years. We decided that “making friends” with our internal safety mechanism was a very useful idea. Sandra was the one who first called this reptilian brain function, the Lizard.
Continue reading →This is the chart that goes with the Safety/Lizard Essay.
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