One of my pet peeves is poor usage of words when talking about feelings. Feelings are events in our bodies, usually chemical in nature and thus have intensity ? stronger or weaker. Thoughts are symbol events in our brains that either occur or dont.
Continue reading →This is a list of words that people often use to describe their feelings. I divided them into groups for the Prime Emotions: FEAR, ANGER, GRIEF, and JOY.
Continue reading →This is actually a fairly old presentation. Sandra and I found it so valuable for ourselves that we have been giving to all couples for many years. We decided that “making friends” with our internal safety mechanism was a very useful idea. Sandra was the one who first called this reptilian brain function, the Lizard.
Continue reading →People use the phrase �I don�t know� so often that I finally shared an alternative. We don�t live life based on what we know. I think often we know very little, but that doesn�t stop us from going on. Why should it stop conversation?
Continue reading →I learn a lot from the men in my mens group. We talk of safety and validation all the time. Here is a story about wasting your energy on the wrong stuff – loving in a way that doesn't work.
Continue reading →A TimeOut is a relational tool and is an essential skill for any intimate relationship. Its purpose is to remove pressure from the relationship. Use a TimeOut whenever you feel overwhelmed, pressed, chased, pursued, cornered, etc.
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Everyone has problems. Problems are situations that cause you distress – frustration. I think a problem is avoided when you do not experience the situation any more. I believe a problem is solved when the situation occurs, and you no longer get upset or frustrated. A couple will have between them almost twice as many problems as an individual. I guess you might as well learn how to solve problems. Get going.
Several years ago, I was asked during a class, “How do you know that you have a great relationship?” I found myself mentioning four attributes – one was “excellent boundaries.” Someone then asked, “How would you recognize excellent boundaries? What are their indicators?” I thought about that for several weeks. I came up with a list. I have found this list quite provocative.
Continue reading →I want share my beliefs that being “dialogical” very much involves choices of what to share, when to share it, and acute clarity about boundaries. One choice is the “to share or not to share” choice. Another is the “when to share and when not to share” choice. And another is the “how to share” choice.
Continue reading →This is a way of scoring to see if you were experiencing dialogue or just normal chaotic conversation.
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